Glorious insult

A colleague sent me these. Some are well known. These glorious insults are from an era before the English speech was dumbed down to clich├ęs. Now we need some equally witty words of praise. Not so easy.

Purported exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
Exchange between Churchill and Bessie Braddock MP: She said, “Winston, you are drunk.” He said, “And you, madam, are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr.
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill.
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow.
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas.
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain.
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde.
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend . . . if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop.
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright.
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb.
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson.
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating.
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand.
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain.
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West.
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde.
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts . . . for support rather than illumination. ” – Andrew Lang.
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder.
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx.