Ailments north and south

I needed to do a medical inventory recently.
Well … from the top down, there’s high pitched tinnitus and high frequency hearing loss, keratoconus in one eye and an intraocular lensi in the other, as well as hyposmia and specific anosmia. I have assorted weak teeth and fillings, plus two root-canal therapies. But I have plenty of hair (in the right places)!

There’s specific osteoarthritis consequent on infantile poliomyelitis and subsequent post polio syndrome which also can engender mild anxiety and (in the past, now recovered) some depression. The polio also caused loss of movement and shortened bones.

Then there is some manageable hyperlipidemia and prehypertension as well as hereditary haemochromatosis. And there’s that curse of the middle aged male BPH, now fixed by surgery, not to mention other nuisances further to the north and south.

I need orthotics to keep me on the straight and narrow and I’m no athlete, but need to watch out against their foot.

Ridiculous isn’t it? I’m quite healthy actually! And I do not have hypochondria!