In the battle to get on top of the shingles and assorted uncomfortable side ailments, my doctor and I have worked through a vertiable pharmacopoei amoxycillin; atorvastin; betadine (iodine); citalopram; claratyne; codeine, gastrolyte, docusate sodium, diazepam; endone (oxycodone hydrocloride); epilim (sodium valpoate); famciclovir; ibuprofen; immodium, lignocaine gel; paracetemol; penoxymethyl penicillin and xylocaine ointment.

After all that, my doctor, who is SE Asian in background, decided my system needed a rest and prescribed rice porridge.

Rice porridge is about the blandest food on earth—odourless, colorless, tasteless. It reminds me of Clag, an Australian brand of starchy non-toxic paste that I used in kindergarten to stick pieces of paper together.

The two have about the same result—they glue you up.